The last blog post here is a reflection of where I was at the beginning and where I am now as a writer. I’m gonna reflect on my author identity, my theory of writing, my growth, and how I will use what I know now in the future. To start off, I watched this video about reflective writing and looked at Genres in Academic Writing: Reflective Writing and drew a lot of comparisons to my personal growth process. Whenever I reflect on something, whether it be a conversation i just had or an activity I just did, I always think about what I learned and how it could be applicable in the future. I usually do this mentally and automatically, but when Sabatinos got you under the gun and you have to write about it, I actually think I retained and comprehended my experiences better. Also, thinking on the paper lets me understand my thoughts better spatially. I think that this alone has lent itself heavily to my author’s identity. Looking at where I have gone wrong and working towards the meta-level understanding of an issue is something that I enjoy ruminating on. In terms of what has actually changed about my author identity, I think that the horizon only got bigger. I think that at the beginning of the semester, I was trapped into one style of writing, and never before have I tried to write with emotion, so there was a lot of learning to be had early on. Now, I have a clearer understanding of where I am as a writer and what the next step for me is. My theory of writing has also changed over the course of the semester. While I don’t particularly enjoy writing more now than before, I value it much more now. I used to only ever write one draft for every paper I wrote. Now i get the whole shitty first drafts and whatever. I understand the value of failing in writing now more than I ever have. It kind of reminds me of Zeno’s Paradox which is only being able to move half of the way to your goal at a time, but this means that you can never reach it, only get ever so much closer. And while it might seem like a losing race, you win knowledge by making it to the halfway point each time. My growth as a writer has also seen a lot of improvement. Having the leniency of choice on these assignments has helped me out of my comfort zone. In the past there was a lot of learning conventions and what I am allowed to say and what I am not allowed to say. I can confidently say that I have learned more about writing this semester than I did in my last 2 years of high school. And lastly, where am I going with what I know in the future. While I see value in having a personal journal, I am mostly likely not going to do that or anything similar. What I will do, however, is every time I walk into a room I’ll bring my ancestor’s knowledge, my previous knowledge, and now our discourse communities knowledge with me and apply it to anything that is thrown at me.
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This blog post will go over what my notes mean and how I used them as well as what I can do to strengthen my research project. First I’ll go over my notes and then at the end I’ll talk about my plans for the research project and where I went wrong and how I’ll fix them.
The first thing that I want to reflect on is the MLA paper that I started writing. I thought I was going to write an MLA paper for this project because it seemed the easiest and least time consuming. However, when I started writing it, the ideas I had were flawed and beyond repair. I went through a lot of writing and rewriting and ended up with something that I really didn’t like. I thought about how I could improve my MLA paper, but I kept returning to this idea that I had much before. I wanted to try to write a persuasive piece in the style of The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling. I really liked the idea of short stories, which were too long so I made them allegories, to convey a message. I researched a lot of folklore and snagged ideas from here and there and mixed them in with my own to create my research project. I didn’t do all of the work on the MLA paper for nothing though. I reused some of the ideas from the notes I had and built stories from them. The second story I wrote (The Son) was heavily influenced by the need to learn about emotion when they experience it. Your brain remembers emotion very well, even if it isn't with clarity. Through my research, I learned of the importance of teaching your son about emotion early. Many of the ideas I had with the MLA paper carried over into the stories. When I started writing the allegories, I wrote them down as I saw them happening in my head. I knew I wanted one to be about parents and one to be about friends because that is where you learn the most from growing as a boy. I also added one about a mentor because I learned of their importance as well. I basically just splashed down all of the ideas I had without really caring about setting. I just wanted to make sure that the message i was trying to convey was at the heart of the allegory. As I started writing the actual allegories, the messages sort of evolved on their own to fit into the allegory and my research better. I was pretty unhappy with how my research project came out for one main reason. I did not have a lot of time to revise it which really screwed it over, and it came off as very confusing, admittedly even to me. If I had the chance to step back and reexamine my project I think it would have turned out much much better. I plan on adding explanations for everything and also plan on including some quotes and other such things that reinforce my position. This blog post is going to discuss my budding research project and the work I have done on it so far. There is a lot to consider when someone tells you to ask a question and then answer it. There is actually quite literally everything to consider.
When your task is to ask a question, the best way to at least narrow down what kind of question you want to ask by . . . asking more questions. What kind of question do I want to ask? What kind of answers do I want to have. Do I even want answers? I'm going to forgo all of that because I already know what I want to research. The question I have is “What is Hinduism.” I like this question for a couple reasons. A large part of my family lives in India where the main religion is Hinduism. Therefore, there are a lot of people I know who practice this religion daily. The other reason that I like this question is because of music. I really enjoy music with middle eastern and Asian influences. Listening to more and more music of this kind has made me interested in the faith. Lastly, I also do not know a lot about the religion so this will be a learning experience. I haven’t done any formal research yet so I’m just going to outline my plan here. This way it is also in writing. The first part of it is the research. I think that I need to get sources from everywhere. Ever since the Beatles associated themselves with Hinduism in the late 60s, there has been a lot of western input in the discussion. I think that it is useful because it offers a much different perspective than what I would get if I only researched historical options. I think that a lot of my focus however should go into researching the values and the why behind the traditions. I think it is definitely useful to know that people who practice Hinduism worship cows, but not knowing why is like reading every other word in a book. The next part of the research would be to look into the daily practices of it. I will try to reach out to my extended family in India for this. I think hearing it from someone who lives it will probably be the most helpful in the way of understanding the faith. If that is not possible though, I think that there are plenty of online sources to help me find what I am looking for. The writing part of this project will definitely be ruminated on later. I think that once I get more research together, the direction of the project will look clearer, and I will begin the writing process then. The me of tomorrow will likely be understandably disappointed. After reading the summary of The Mask You Live In (Discussion Guide), I affirmed a lot of the things that I have been told and that I know about myself. In this blog post, I’m going to look at how this made me feel, what it made me think, and what it makes me want to change.
Before I start the discussion, one of the quotes that made me think a lot was “Every boy measures his masculinity, at the deepest level, against his dad.” I think that this is something that is at or very near the heart of the problem. When someone describes a father figure, they usually describe someone who is strong for the people who look up to them as well as fair and decisive. They could also say that he is a personal hero. While none of these traits are inherently bad, I think that the pressure and the push to conform to them ultimately cultivates toxic masculinity. The difference between what I felt after watching Miss Representation and reading this summary is definitely unfair to Miss Representation because I can understand The Mask You Live In more personally. I think this one made me feel a little upset at myself because things that seemed meaningless in elementary school and early on in my years actually carved my path directly to the trap of masculinity. Seeing a girl break down when a teacher scolded her versus seeing a boy shrug it off chisels the idea of toughness into your mind. Many small moments such as this build up the mask that guys wear. This film made me think about what I can do to get myself to express my emotions more openly. I think that understanding the root of the problem has shed a new light on my worldview. It was also kind of raw. It feels weird to have your psyche dissected like this especially if it has to do with masculinity because I feel that masculinity kind of pushes away the thought process of the whole thing and just says it is going to be this way. I also thought about playing sports as a child. I used to play soccer for a team and my coach would always tell us to be aggressive. If you are not getting to the ball first then the other team is. It rewards behaviors that anywhere else would be toxic and I think that when you are younger, the line between what is acceptable in certain situations and what is not is significantly fuzzier. I think that this film has made me want to change more internally than anything externally. I think that as I experience more of life, I want to perceive it in a more accepting way and learn to see through the mask to understand things. I think that we have made the first step to a solution by naming the problem. While that is great progress towards boys feeling better about themselves and in turn taking steps toward gender equality, there is still a hell of a road to be paved ahead of us. After watching the film Miss Representation (Script) (Discussion Guide), it has raised some questions as well as discussion points about the media, feminism, and where we find ourselves today. In this blog post I will discuss what I learned from the movie as well as the impact it has had on the way I view these topics.
Miss Representation places a lot of the blame for the societal ravine between women and men on the media. I think that's a valid viewpoint, but I don’t think it is the only one. I think trying to place all of the blame on one thing for gender inequality can’t be correct because the disparity has been around for thousands of years. If there was only one factor, I feel it would be impossible to have half of the people on earth marginalized for that long. While watching the film, there were definitely some emotional stories and statistics. I felt sympathetic for a lot of the women who faced barrier after barrier and attack after attack just to get the same thing as the guy next to them. I also felt ashamed in a way because I have fallen into the same trap as so many other guys where I think that I can’t show emotion. It is kind of scary to think about it as well because after a while it kind of just becomes part of your identity and you forget where it came from. I definitely learned a lot about women’s rights as well as a lot of history behind it. In high school there was never really a lot of attention put on women in power. Many of the events surrounding the push for women's suffrage and later movements in the 80s are all very briefly covered. I also learned that without role models, women don’t want to make the leap of faith and advance the movement. But this does not apply to only women. I think that anyone feels less motivation to do something if they are the first to do it. If you have to cross a shitty wooden bridge in the middle of the amazon jungle, you're going to want to be anywhere but the front. The film has not made me want to change a lot, however, I think that the film made me change whether I wanted to or not. I think that just by watching the film, I will subconsciously be more considerate towards women. I don’t mean to say that I’m not considerate to women. I just think that by knowing some more of the things that women face everyday just by being a girl, I will sympathize more. However, I also feel kind of hesitant to add my voice. To me, the message of this movement feels slightly undermined when a guy adds his voice. I think that the higher the number of females in positions of power is, the easier it will become to have both women and men contribute openly to gender equality. The focus of this blog post will be to interpret the three texts: Our Discourse Community Values, What is Literacy by James Paul Gee, and We Are Many by Pablo Neruda. It will also answer the question of how these three texts speak to the identity of our English class discourse community.
James Paul Gee discusses discourse communities through the lens of a scholar. I think that what he says has a lot of application to our discourse community because it is a primarily academic one. Gee says that discourse communities are inherently ideological. I think this fits with our discourse community because ours is based in learning. Values that everyone in our discourse community holds are in the Discourse Community Values and also include being in the class and learning together. Secondly he states that discourse communities are resistant to internal criticism. While this seems to be an unnecessary claim, I personally think it is important. I think this claim sets the boundaries of our discourse community. Once you are against the base values of discourse community then you are not part of it anymore. James Paul Gee also says that the discourse-defined position of yourself is also influenced by other discourses. The way I understand this claim is that discourse communities that you are currently part of and have been a part of in the past all have an influence on your position in this discourse community. We somewhat discussed this in class when we talked about My Name is Margaret. We discussed how you bring all of your past experiences with you wherever you go. I think that is an important realization to make about ourselves as well as the discourse communities we belong to. This claim that Gee makes is important for being considerate to everyone in the discourse community. It is important to understand that our discourse community could be in direct conflict with other discourse communities that members of ours are a part of. I think this is more apparent with hate groups however. The last part of his statement about discourse communities says that they are closely “related to the distribution of social power”. I think that this aspect of discourse communities has little effect on ours. In his poem, Pablo Neruda talks about his many selves and how they manifest themselves when he is talking to different people. In his poem he says whenever he is set up to look smart he says something stupid and ruins it. He is trying to say that he brings what he knows from everywhere he has been into the conversation he is having currently, whether it be a positive or negative thing for the group. He also talks about how when he writes, he gets so lost in his writing that he kind of maps out who he is as a person. I think that is why he is saying he will speak of geography in the end. This ties to our discourse community because of how we bring our lives into the classroom and exit with what we have written and understood about ourselves. Home Page Well-Being Assessment: Flourishing Why Assessment Summary: It does its job well. How Assessment Summary: I will proofread it as necessary. About Page Well-Being Assessment: Flourishing Why Assessment Summary:It looks good but the aesthetics need some work. How Assessment Summary: I will find a better place for the embarrassing picture by 3-17. Narrative Page Well-Being Assessment: Functioning Why Assessment Summary: I need to expand on some of the blog posts and add others into the paragraph How Assessment Summary: I will expand on the blog posts by 3-17. Narrative Draft 1 Well-Being Assessment: Flourishing Why Assessment Summary: The first draft was very rough. How Assessment Summary: I will leave it alone because I can look back over it to improve later Narrative Draft 2 Well-Being Assessment: Flourishing Why Assessment Summary: I was very happy with how everyone received it because I thought it would be very hit or miss How Assessment Summary: Start working on a next draft after spring break ends Research Project Page Well-Being Assessment: Suffering Why Assessment Summary: It still has some scaffolding in there How Assessment Summary: I think I will leave some of the reminders in there so I know what to have, but I will also finish the paragraph by 3-17 Contact Page Well-Being Assessment: Flourishing Why Assessment Summary: Looks clean and done How Assessment Summary: Does not need any changes Blog Page Well-Being Assessment: Flourishing Why Assessment Summary: Besides missing this blog post it looks good How Assessment Summary: Add blogs as needed Blog 1 Well-Being Assessment: Flourishing Why Assessment Summary: Answers most of the questions and looks good How Assessment Summary: No changes will be made Blog 2 Well-Being Assessment: Flourishing Why Assessment Summary: It’s not my favorite by any means, but it shows growth How Assessment Summary: No changes will be made Blog 3 Well-Being Assessment: Flourishing Why Assessment Summary: For a first shot at narratives I think it isn’t too bad. I also think it shows growth as well How Assessment Summary: No changes will be made Blog 4 Well-Being Assessment: Functioning Why Assessment Summary: I need to add a picture How Assessment Summary: will add a picture of a detention slip by 3-17 Blog 5 Well-Being Assessment: Flourishing Why Assessment Summary: I think this one is fine and does not need any changes How Assessment Summary: No changes will be made This blog post is mainly for some reflection on my narrative project draft one. I will reflect on it using some symbolism from The Wizard of Oz. The scarecrow, tin man, and lion all have characteristics that offer some insight. As do the wizard and the moment when Dorothy learned she could have returned home whenever she wanted to.
My narrative allows me to examine my mind back when my narrative takes place as well as now that it has been a few years since the events. Back then I was almost grossed out by my grandfather. I had only met him six or so times before so it was almost like being at a complete stranger’s death bed. I think what I thought back then was completely reasonable although disrespectful. The scarecrows main characteristic of not having mind at the beginning of the story lends itself well to how I felt after I somewhat came to an understanding of it. My emotions back then were a mixed bag. I wanted to feel bad for him, but I just couldn’t. I really did not know how I should feel, but know it seems a little clearer to me. I think that I had to experience it before I could really gauge how I felt. When the tin man gets a heart he can understand events much more complexly. I think that the tin man accurately represents my emotions because I just needed to mature to make sense of things. I think that when it comes to high-stakes and the emotion that it provokes, death is one of those things that almost everyone has in common. I'm not suggesting that some people are immortal, but rather that most people can relate to a death in their family or a friend or neighbor. I also did not try to use it to build tension or suspense. I tried to make the death as inglorious as possible because I think that portrays what I was feeling back then as accurately as possible. Somewhere in between confusion and pity. This is the only spot where the symbolism does not work. The lion gaining courage at the end does not fit with my narrative essay. My narrative project allowed me to understand my relationship to my family a little more. I think revisiting some of the thoughts I had in writing is allows for a certain type of insight that only writing allows you to have. This was my “you could have returned home the whole time” moment. I always had the ability to understand what I was thinking, but if I told myself the truth I wouldn’t believe it. Lastly, I think that what we tell ourselves about our life events defines who we are. If you break your arm, You can think about it in a few ways. Either its siiiick! that you broke your arm, or it's a terrible hindrance to you and it makes you upset. Since you only remember the emotion you were feeling when you broke your arm, your future meditations on the subject will always be tainted with that emotion whether it be positive or negative. The central theme of Hills Like White Elephants by Ernest Hemingway is this idea of miscommunication and factors from both sides contributing to the disorder of the situation. On one side, the woman is dodging around the problem, and on the other side, the man wants to force an answer out of her about a decision that needs consideration. It takes two hands to clap and two dancers to tango. I like biology, but it seems like my teacher just wants to see me fail. Does she have to single me out every class? Can't she complain about someone else’s work and make an example of them? My head was turning over these thoughts before I walked into class that day. The way the tables are set up around the room means there is a bio lab today. My lab partner is also absent today which means I have to handle the entire lab by myself. The first thing I’m going to do before the teacher gets here is try to get a small head start on this lab packet. It’s just chock full of useless information and busy work which are both trademarks of her teaching style. When she walked into the room I felt it like I have a sixth sense. It’s like someone is watching you and you can feel the uneasiness creep all the way up your back. As we all took our seats and she started lecturing us about some thin glass tools that can break easily I read ahead and started to do some of the busy work very half-assedly. She probably already knew that I was just filling out random things in her precious packet instead of listen to her imperative speech about 10 cent glass tubes so she grabbed my packet, waved it around, and held it up for the class to see. “See this? This is exactly what I don’t want you to do. This and this and this is all wrong. You’re gonna have to redo all of this” she said as she pointed to each of the things I had written and held it in front of my face. A little snort of amusement slipped out and she looked over the packet that was between us at me. I’m pretty sure she took it as a challenge and continued “You think this is funny? You just gave yourself and your group extra work. They aren’t gonna like you for this.” “Sure.” I put my earbuds in and turned on some music. I didn’t want to hear anymore. “Are you aware that you can get disciplinary action filed against you for not following my directions, Mr. Rajasekaran?” She purposely slaughtered my last name like she thought that it had never been done before. “I’m sure you'd love to see that” “I would love to see you do some decent work” “I’d love to see you be a decent person and not fuck with me all the time” “And now I’d love to see you in the principal's office” she said as she retrieved a detention notice. |
“If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all: Read a lot and write a lot”
- Stephen King AuthorHello. I'm Raj. Nice to meet you. Archives
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