It is too easy to jump to conclusions about something that you don't understand. Everyone does it at least internally because it is basically unavoidable the way humans are wired. It is also not necessarily a bad thing because the same logic is used to learn faster, but that is besides the point. That’s the basis of this story about me learning a lot about understanding and accepting that not every single person is going to interpret the world the same as you. For all of my formative years, I took science to be the final say on life's biggest questions. I never really learned or wanted to learn about religion because the preschool I went to was very progressive. When I moved from sunny L.A. to rural PA where I live now, There was a lot of learning to be done about the people here by second grade me. Most of them were religious which to me was uncharted territory. While I still do not practice a religion, back then a lot of what is taught in most monotheistic religions was complete nonsense to me. The microscope zoomed in and out of focus. I was still trying to spin the dial and have it present a clear image of my cell. I looked into the lens at this thing I could not see. It is amazing that something this small is what makes our bodies what they are. Because my parents are both scientists, I had seen this before and started naming the structures I already knew on my paper. This is fascinating I thought. I picked up my eyes and peered around the room. Not many other groups were finding success with the microscope. Some were trying to understand it and others seemed to have no interest in it. How could they not enjoy looking at these cells that compose everything in our body? 5 minutes later I found myself sitting at my desk and filling out some notes about the activity. As the teacher, an older lady who really enjoyed teaching us, went over something about the origins of the structures in the cells. I filled in the skeletal notes I was missing and kept staring blankly ahead directly into the cinder block wall. I was slightly tuned out, but I was still aware of the backing track of the classroom. It’s kinda dumb that I have to learn all of this again, but at least I got to mess around with numerous dials and settings on the microscope. That's when the guy next to me raised his hand and said, “Uh, why do we have to learn about any of this stuff if we already know that God created us and the Earth.” Huh? What? “You can’t be serious” I said. The speed at which his head turned threw his hair behind him. His eyes widened like I had just slapped him across the face. The look he wore told me that I had definitely done something wrong. “There’s no way some guy just invented the world!” I said aloofly. He looked like he had just seen a ghost. I dawned on me that what I had just said was probably insensitive. “You want me to believe that life just started? Just like that?” he replied as a little anger started creeping its way into his voice. I blockheadedly responded “Yeah it makes more sense than . . .” “Alexander!” the teacher exclaimed. “Sorry” I replied. I didn’t know that people had such strong connections to their religion like that I thought. When I read My Name is Margaret by Maya Angelou, I was reminded of this story because at the beginning of her story, an unnamed white woman incorrectly jumped to conclusions based on what Margaret's says about her grandparents owning the only general store. Even though her assumptions about Margaret were probably made on more than what Margaret’s grandparents did, she still did not have the full story and jumped to a conclusion which was ridiculous and even ludicrous and also disrespected Maya Angelou. Similarly, I jumped to conclusions about religion and disrespected my classmate. Now, my understanding of religion is better and I believe that whatever spirituality you choose to have is an essential part of the self.
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I was supposed to go to English class today but I slept straight through my alarm. I got up, showered, and ate breakfast and went anyway. I walked through the door in the last 10 minutes of class knowing my professor would not be too happy. What I thought was going to be a disappointing look from Sab was actually just Don Murray, Mary Karr, and Anne Lamott who had cleared out the room and were all sitting at one table in the middle of the room. There was one more open seat.
I sat down quietly, and Don wasted no time. “No matter how careful our criticisms, they do not help the student since when we teach composition we are not teaching a product, we are teaching a process.” he said. Mrs. Karr, who always has a very analytic input, said “Every writer I know who’s worth a damn spends way more time “losing” than “winning””. Don, who was obviously very impressed with Mrs. Karr’s comment, nodded in agreement. Both of their statements emphasized learning through failure so before I said anything I waited for Anne Lamott to play her pieces. She prefaced her conflicting statement with an explanation of the conundrum, and she told us that the best way to avoid writer's block “. . . is to stop. First I try to breath, because I’m either sitting there panting like a lapdog or I’m unintentionally making slow asthmatic death rattles.” That was enough of her rambling. I stepped in and said “I agree with Don and Mrs. Karr that you should try to teach or learn writing by looking at what you can improve, but I also think that trying to brute force it can be just as destructive as teaching writing in formulas.” A look of astonishment stole their faces. I picked up again. “I also think that everyone learns writing in a different way so making a form that tries to fit the generalized student is a recipe for failing as a teacher and a student.” Don shifted himself to look at me and agreed. “The students are individuals who must explore the writing process in their own way, some fast, some slow, whatever it takes for them, within the limits of the course deadlines, to find their own way to their own truth.” That last part sounded very mystical i thought to myself. Don thought for a second and then bellowed “So what step shall the pupil take first. It is impossible to know which one is correct in such a formative stage of the writer?”. Mrs. Karr was ready for that response and replied with “Before you can work consciously, though, you go through a phase of developing a critical self, which makes a writer wicked self-conscious.” I was a little bit confused by her comment and posed a question to progress the idea. “So if developing a critical self is so important, how would you go about it?” I asked. She started to speak, but Anne Lamott, who had been mumbling about some dogs, said “The only way I can get anything written at all is to write really, really shitty first drafts.” This lady was nuts, but her point had a lot of merit. “It’s interesting you say that because earlier you seemed to subscribe to the idea of stopping when you have a writer's block, but now it looks like you just want to get something on the paper. I think that your about face is a good thing because I think outlining what you want to write and having milestones that you want to reach is critical to improving.” Don agreed with me and added “The writing process itself can be divided into three stages: prewriting, writing, and rewriting.” Don’s statement seemed to light up Mrs. Karr’s face. “Revision is the secret to their troubles—and yours. That, and a sense of quality that exceeds what you can do—that gives you something to strive for”, she expertly deduced. Anne Lamott seemed to be drawn out of her trance-like state and added “Consider finding someone who would not mind reading [your] drafts and marking them up with useful suggestions” For the whole time I had been here, that was her most complete thought. As we came to the consensus of two heads are better than one, I was sucked out of my body warp speed style and woke up. I couldn't believe that my English assignment had written itself. The focus of this blog post and the Proust Questionnaire in general is to figure out your true nature. Even though I don't believe that a questionnaire can define a human being, I think it is interesting because in thinking about some of the questions you might discover something about yourself.
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness? I don't think of happiness as a goal so I would say being able to control the state of your mental would be pretty close. 2. What is your greatest fear? Getting lost is my greatest fear. I don't like the idea of not being able to return to something familiar. 3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Not honest with myself. It is hardest to catch because you could tell yourself a lie that you completely believe. 4. What is the trait you most deplore in others? The trait that I most deplore in other people is not admitting that they made a mistake. I also think that making mistakes with consequences is one of the best ways to learn. 5. Which living person do you most admire? I admire a friend of mine who has the best work ethic i have seen. Having a good work ethic is a trait that I admire. 6. What is your greatest extravagance? My greatest extravagance is eating at restaurants. I think that I spend too much money at restaurants too frequently. 7. What is your current state of mind? I think my current state of mind is developing because I try to be as open minded as i can about new things. 8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Justice is the most overrated virtue because everyone has a different sense of justice. I also think that justice can be used unfairly to marginalize certain groups. 9. On what occasion do you lie? If I can use it to get out of something. I always try to weigh out the pros and cons before though. 10. What do you most dislike about your appearance? Through high school the circles around my eyes have evolved into craters. I can't get rid of them and i know they are going to look terrible in my 50s. 11. Which living person do you most despise? Mike Pence 12. What is the quality you most like in a man? Open Mindedness because I think refusing to change an aspect of yourself just because you're not willing to give it any thought is frustrating to me. 13. What is the quality you most like in a woman? Open Mindedness because I think refusing to change an aspect of yourself just because you're not willing to give it any thought is frustrating to me. 14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse? I over use the phrase “i understand” a lot even if i don't. This is because either I don't want to hear the explanation or I want to figure it out myself. 15. What or who is the greatest love of your life? 16. When and where were you happiest? The beach during the summer of 2017. At a friends house who lives there. 17. Which talent would you most like to have? I would like to be able to play the guitar well. A lot of the music I listen to is centered around the skill of the guitar player and the sound he/she can produce. 18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I would change my work ethic because it is weak. I know it is not the worst but I get anxious thinking about keeping jobs that are intensive. 19. What do you consider your greatest achievement? Getting into college. I was a little close to not making it through high school so I would count it as a great achievement. 20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? I would come back as a crocodile because no one messes with crocodiles. Also their job is to sit in the cool water and chill. 21. Where would you most like to live? I would most like to live somewhere warm on the west coast. I was born over there so it would be a little nostalgic too. 22. What is your most treasured possession? My most treasured possession is my computer because it is very useful. I also love learning about computers and their capabilities. 23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Extended solitude seems pretty bad. I watched a Russian prison documentary where the inmates only got 1 hour of daylight in a caged off area and were required to pace their cell for the hours they were awake. It seemed unpleasant. 24. What is your favorite occupation? Network engineering is my dream occupation. I really enjoy computer science as a whole but “hacking” and hack-proofing intrigues me. 25. What is your most marked characteristic? Passive until provoked but not necessarily in a bad way. I don't go out of my way for random people. 26. What do you most value in your friends? Ability to not take everything so seriously. A good laugh is nice. 27. Who are your favorite writers? I really like Agatha Christie even though I'm not a big reader. I also like Stephen King but Agatha Christie is better. 28. Who is your hero of fiction? Vol’jin from wow because even though he was from a video game he was written in a way that resonated with me and he was written as a great leader which is a trait that i admire. 29. Which historical figure do you most identify with? 30. Who are your heroes in real life? David Bowie and Michael Jackson. In my opinion both are phenomenal musicians especially David Bowie and they both carried the face of a decade. Both are also very inspirational. 31. What are your favorite names? John, Jerry, Jimmy 32. What is it that you most dislike? 33. What is your greatest regret? Being unable to understand things. Looking back on something that you now see more clearly and realizing something you did not consider to me is a terrible feeling. 34. How would you like to die? Quickly. 35. What is your motto? "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken" -Perdue |
“If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all: Read a lot and write a lot”
- Stephen King AuthorHello. I'm Raj. Nice to meet you. Archives
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